The P. Barnaby Jiggles Delimma

So I just sort of accidentally ordered a taxidermied piranha off the internet, and it should be coming in about a week or so. The thing is, with this being a totally unexpected addition to my family, I am completely unprepared for it. I hear that it doesn't really require any food or potty training and whatnot, but I still don't know what to do about clothes. (I mean, he can't just swim around the house with his wang flopping around. That would make family dinners quite awkward.)

I'm very self-conscious.

If anyone knows of any places that sell piranha clothes, could you please share with me?

Considering our sick, racist culture, though, there might not be many places like that around. If anyone has any craft tips for making him clothes, that'd be great, since I'm not much of a craftsman! Anyway, I was thinking he'd look simply adorable in a top hat, a bow-tie, a monocle, a long grey mustache, a fancy black buttoned shirt, and a pair of black pants, so if you have any suggestions specific to those, that'd be great as well.

In the meantime, I've been trying to think of a name for him. My current top choice is P. Barnaby Jiggles, or Barnaby Jiggles for short. It's not final yet, so I'd love to hear your ideas! Thank you so much for all of your help!


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To get maximum assistance, I posted this on WikiAnswers as well. Here are some of the comments I received:

"...Don't put your hand in the tank, for anything....you might not get a whole hand back. Just mark my words, those dudes eat anything."

Hmm. That sounds somewhat foreboding. But this observant reader didn't seem to catch the part where he's dead and mounted on a fucking Popsicle stick.

At least I taste like strawberries.

I decided to paraphrase it in a slightly different way:

"Okay, just to make it clear: Barnaby Jiggles is no longer with us. By that I mean...he's taxidermied. I think he's a bit too doped up to bite my hand off. (But I'll be careful just in case I'm wrong.)

"...I'm concerned about his wang. Are you planning to circumcise???"

Good question! I had to consider the pros and cons for a while, but I came to a decision:

"We've decided not to circumcise. The only reason we might consider that is to help avoid infection in the crotchy region, but we reasoned that since he's already dead, it'd be kind of difficult for him to get sick and die again. Unless that makes him undead. Then we'd have a very dapper-looking zombie piranha floating around the house nibbling on our skulls while we sleep. Eitherway, not circumcising is pretty much a win-win situation."

You're welcome, motherfucker.

...You high or something?

That too is a good question! But alas, no. I'm just me!




So, to close up, if anyone has any crafting suggestions, I'd love to hear them! Also, don't circumcise your piranhas, because then you might never get nibbled by flying zombies. Well, until next time!